


Love Always Wakes the Dragon

by hauntedpanels



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Action & Romance, Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fairy Tale Elements, Fairy Tale Retellings, Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, Magic, Non-Graphic Violence, i'm sorry rarepair shippers, there's a little bit of factventure but not a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 08:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14493381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hauntedpanels/pseuds/hauntedpanels
Summary: "We're takin' back the kingdom."Many knights try to defeat her. None succeed. Princess Caroline, cursed by the king, locks herself away in a tower, abandoning her title and taking on the name Glados. She rules with a cruel hand until a knight by the name of Chell and her ragtag group of friends - a jester, a philosopher, a rogue adventurer, and a wizard that relies on the power of the stars - go up to defeat her.There's many ways to break a curse, but only one end to a fairy tale. Can this group get their happy ending?





	1. The Hypothesis

**Author's Note:**

> This fic (and the title) was inspired by a lovely poem by Richard Siken called A Litany In Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out. It has always reminded me of chelldos. I wrote this to be intentionally super cheesy and cliche. It is a fairy tale, after all.

Fairy tales are like science; they are logical, methodical, a step-by-step puzzle to a happily ever after. Once upon a time, in a land far, far away… There lived a princess. And a witch. And a dragon. And a knight in shining armor. The princess is cursed by the witch and guarded by the dragon and saved by the knight in shining armor. Or maybe the princess is exiled by her family. Maybe she is granted three wishes and given a new, shiny dress and a prince and a happily ever after. There’s adventure and sword fights and true love’s kiss. Fairy tales need this order. They can’t break protocol. It’s a precise chemistry. If you change the ingredients, mix them together, or change the order, then you will get nothing but trouble.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a girl who was a princess, a dragon, a witch, and a killer of knights in shining armor. She wanted a better story. Who wouldn’t? She wanted true love. She wanted adventure. She wanted things she couldn’t have. She thought she ruined that for herself, or that perhaps it wasn’t hers to begin with. She didn’t see true love in her future and the only adventure she got was from setting new traps for the next unlucky knight that set foot in her tower. She didn’t see herself factoring into those stories of the lovely damsel in distress. She wasn’t the princess anymore, and that she was sure of. She had the look down, sure; the dress, the crown, the royal tower. But she wasn’t waiting to be saved. She became the dragon and the witch and she didn’t need the knight anymore.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived an orphan and her companion that she often internally considered her polar opposite. She didn’t mind the company, though. They made quite the team; a mute, rogue knight and a talkative, clueless jester was an unlikely party but one that never ceased to have fun. She wouldn’t consider this story to be tragic, but she couldn’t help but find herself wishing for more, too. She didn’t know how she factored into the traditional tale; in her eyes, she was much more a side character that wasn’t included in the happily ever after. Her yearning for more made her find herself in the most awkward, ridiculous, and even dangerous situations. She thought that maybe if she slayed beast after beast, one would be the guardian of her happy ending. She couldn’t give up. Not until she got what she wanted.

 

* * *

 

“Here she is, ladies and gentlemen!” Wheatley exclaimed. “The noble knight, Chell! Just got back from killing an ogre. Pretty impressive, right?”

Everyone peered up from their drinks as Chell and Wheatley strolled into the tavern.

“I helped,” he added.

Chell sat down, motioned for the bartender to get her a drink, and buried her face in her hands, embarrassed at Wheatley’s grand entrance.

“I did most of the work, actually. Can’t believe she’s taking all the credit.”

A tall, wide, rugged man with a head of thick black hair waltzed over and introduced himself.

“Hey there, pretty lady. Name’s Rick.” He sat down on the seat next to her. “I’m a man of adventure myself ‘n all. I’ve been lookin’ for a new thrill. Could use a pretty lady like you to tag along. So what’d’ya say, princess.” Rick leaned in close. “Wanna go on an adventure?”

Chell sighed hard and rolled her eyes. Typical that she couldn’t even go out for a drink without being harassed by alcohol soaked, drunk men talking themselves up. This tavern was full of all kinds of strange folks, but it wasn’t weeding out the bland ones, either.

“She’s not interested, mate. Go home,” Wheatley said.

“But I got a good one,” he said. “And I could use some help. No strings attached or nothin’. Y’all can have a cut of the reward. There’s no losin’ here.”

Chell perked up and raised an eyebrow.

“I’m thinkin’ about going after _her._ ”

Silence fell over the tavern after Rick spoke those words, and Wheatley widened his eyes.

“Oh, no no no, that is a _bad_ idea,” Wheatley said. “I know her. She will kill any man that gets close to her.”

“She hasn’t met me yet,” he said confidently.

Chell waved, trying to draw attention to the fact that she was being left out of conversation.

“Oh…” Rick trailed off. “You don’t know about _her,_ do ya?”

Chell shook her head.

Rick turned to Wheatley. “Tell her about Princess Caroline.”

Chell perked up. She recognized that name. She used to be the princess...or, still was? She was never quite sure. No one told her what happened. Not even Wheatley, and he used to work closely by Caroline's side. It was almost as if Chell woke up one day to find the princess a taboo subject, a forbidden topic, a name cloaked in shame and mystery. She’d heard rumors, but no story was consistent. Some would say a witch had her turned into a frog, others would say she was banished, some people had the audacity to say she was murdered in cold blood by the king himself, but Chell never knew which story was true.

“She doesn’t go by that anymore. Goes by Glados, or something weird like that.” Wheatley sighed. “They say she’s not even human anymore,” he muttered.

Chell furrowed her eyebrows together in confusion.

“You know the first time I saw her?” Wheatley asked. “So we were sitting at the royal table and, might I emphasize, I was _eating_ with the royal family. Not working. I am not a jester. There I was, eating with the royal family, not working or nothing, and she looked normal. Very normal. Fair skin, brown eyes, brown hair, pretty little crown and dress, all human.” He paused. “Then she was cursed. It wasn’t even her fault, really. I mean, it depends how you look at it. She wasn’t really being a team player. Was supposed to marry into some other family and do a merging of the kingdoms, but she refused. Didn’t want to marry the prince or whatever. The king was so furious he had some witch put a spell on her. She’s completely robotic now. Monstrous, even. Like a proper maniac. Bitter and cold, white icy hair, brown eyes dulled to black. I heard looking at her is like you’re peering into nothing.”

Chell shuddered.

A quiet man from behind Rick spoke up, finally setting down his book. “Technically, she’s both dead and alive. Monstrous indeed,” he said. “You’re talking about the princess, right?”

The three nodded in unison, gathering around him and his friend, who was buried in his studies.

“The curse was supposed to make her a slave for the kingdom. She would be unable to resist the king’s orders, but it backfired on him and his army. She’s killed men. Tons of them. Murdered the king and every knight that tried to stop her. If you’re going to go after her, then I guess it was nice knowing you.”

Rick rolled his eyes. “Don’t listen to that guy. He’s a philosopher. Thinks he’s so smart or whatever.” He raised his voice. “You ain’t got all the facts, pardner.”

“I do too have all the facts.”

“It’s true,” the young boy sitting next to him said. “He’s got all the facts.”  
“Then why is he so wrong all the time? Huh?” Rick asked.

“Some facts are subjective,” Craig said plainly.

“Wait, really?” Wheatley asked. “This changes everything.” He turned to Chell. “Can you just make up facts?”

Craig’s friend butted in. “Only he can.”

Wheatley frowned. “Well, that--that’s not fair. I want to make up facts.”

“What do you know about facts?” Rick sneered, pointing a finger at Wheatley. “I know you. You worked for the kingdom. Ain’t you a jester? You’re paid to be a moron.”

“What? I’m on your side here!”

“I don’t need no idiot for pay tryin’ to defend me,” he huffed.

“What about an idiot for free?” Wheatley demanded.

Rick grinned smugly.

“Wait, no, god, that was supposed to be a clever comeback and now I...ugh, I messed it up. Do I get a do-over?”

“You get a smack in the face, that’s what you’re gettin’--”

Chell banged her fists down on the table, and the group, moments away from tearing each other apart, quieted down and awaited further instruction. She was going after this princess. That she was sure of. She knew the royal family, once, a long time ago. Or rather, her parents did. Chell’s parents were executed by the king and she had longed for vengeance for as long as she could remember. It wasn’t easy growing up on her own, but she forged her way and knew that the only way to get her revenge was for royal blood to spill. She was shaky on the idea of murder, but she reminded herself the princess was allegedly not even human anymore. This wasn’t a princess, she thought. It was a beast.

“I know that look,” Wheatley said. “You’ve got a plan.”

Chell smiled and nodded.

“If you need a bold adventurer on your team, miss, look no further.”

Craig butted in. “Craig, at your service,” he said, extending his hand in salutations.

“I’m Apollo,” the younger boy, surrounded by maps of the night sky he had sprawled across the table, added. “Wizard in training!”

“I’m Wheatley,” Wheatley said, directed at the rest of the group. “And I’m _not_ a jester,” he said passive aggressively towards Rick.

“Well then, missy,” Rick said, “let’s go kill ourselves a princess.”

Chell nodded.

“We’re takin’ back the kingdom.”


	2. Isolated Variables

“You’ve escaped all of my traps for days now. And for what?” Glados asked coolly. “Control of the kingdom? Is that what you want?”

Doug shook his head. “I don’t want control, I just--”  
“You’re no hero,” she snapped. She’d known Doug for a long time, long before any of this mess ever started. He worked for the castle, and the two got along quite well. At one point in time, she would have considered him a friend; looking at him now, all she saw was betrayal. “Heroes don’t let people suffer.”

“Caroline, I--”

“Caroline is _dead,”_ Glados asserted.

“I had nothing to do with what happened. You have to believe me.”

Glados sighed hard and crossed her arms. “I’m afraid not. There’s no evidence that I _should_ believe you. All you’ve done to me is lie.”

Doug looked at her incredulously. “Me? The liar? You’re kidding me. Go ahead, vilify me all you want, but you’re not getting away with this,” he said, pointing a sword at the unarmed woman before him. “You can trap me in here but I guarantee it won’t be for long. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Is that a threat?” she asked condescendingly, unfazed by the weapon pointed in her direction. She pushed the sword aside, unscathed. “At this rate, you’re never leaving this castle. You’ll go crazy in here all by yourself. Without a friend.” She narrowed her eyes. She neglected to say this was the fate she was left to as well, fearing looking weak. All she wanted to do was break down and ask for help, but she was too far gone to start backing down now. “Oh, sorry. _More_ crazy. How’s your little imaginary friend doing?”

Doug’s eyes widened as he struggled to find the words for a rebuttal.

“It’s a malady, Doug,” she said condescendingly, smirking. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Bite me,” he spat, furious Glados would stoop so low as to make fun of his visions. They were an enchantment, and that’s what everyone except her insisted, and he knew she had worked some sort of dark magic to make them worse ever since he had been trapped in her castle. Frustrated, he threw his sword in Glados’s direction and dashed back into the corridor.

Glados dodged the weapon and left to sit down on her bed, stunned by his defiance. That was it. Her last ally in this land. She couldn’t think of one person out there on her team. She didn’t need him, she thought. All she needed was herself.

She still remembered the first day they met. He was new to the castle and was a paranoid, anxious wreck ever since the king reprimanded him for screwing up his laundry on his first day as their servant. Muttering to himself and wringing his hands, he was so preoccupied that he didn’t look where he was going and ran straight into Glados.

“I--I’m sorry, your majesty, I’m really sorry,” she remembered him repeating. She said it was okay. After hearing his story, she assured him no one liked the king anyway, not even her.

“He doesn’t know how to run this kingdom,” she said bitterly. “I’m practically the backbone of this place.” She recalled looking at him with a weak smile. “What is your name?”

He looked at her suspiciously, afraid it was a trick, but finally responded. “Doug.”

“And I’m Caroline. You can cut out the “your majesty” nonsense,” she said. “As far as I am concerned, we are the same.”

* * *

 

“So how do we fight her?” Rick asked Chell, as if expecting an answer from the silent woman.

Chell sharpened her sword as the five of them sat around the campfire, preparing for the long journey ahead of them.

“Magic!” Apollo exclaimed. “The stars are more powerful than you’d think,” he said, leaning in, whispering as if he was telling a secret. “I know how to wield their power. Right, Craig?”

The short, chubby man looked up from his book, nodding.

“See? All we need is magic. The best way to break a curse is--”  
“Boring!” Wheatley shouted, cutting him off short. “Who cares about magic?” He turned to Chell, who said nothing.

She was sure there was magic out there that could help them, but she wasn’t in this to break the curse. She wanted revenge. She knew deep down that what happened to her parents wasn’t the princess’s fault, but she couldn’t see any other way to get the revenge she desired. She had to kill her. After that, she could take control of the kingdom and lead it fairly. It’s what her parents would have wanted.

“Here’s what I say. If you don’t mind my opinion, miss,” Rick said.

Chell nodded approvingly.

“If we go in the castle at night, it’ll lower visibility but it _will_ give us the element of surprise. Everyone takes a buddy and they split up.”

“A buddy? I’m not friends with any of you,” Craig stated. “No offense intended.”

“None taken,” Wheatley said.

“Whether or not we’re friends ain’t important," Rick said. "You know what _is_ important?”

The group looked at him expectantly.

He karate chopped the air, startling the four of them. “Suspense! Action! Hangin’ from a mountain by your fingertips, fightin’ evil princesses. Guts and glory. Winnin’ all the ladies. Maybe even winning an evil princess. Y’know, if we don’t kill her first.”

“...Excuse me?” Craig asked.

Apollo piped up. “I like it!”

“Thank you, lil dude. All I’m sayin’ is we’re in this for the adventure and the glory. We can pretend to be friends for a bit.” He winked at Craig. “After that, pardner, who knows?”

Chell finished sharpening her sword, sheathed it, and rested her chin in her hands, exhausted from how talkative the group was. She could only barely handle Wheatley. The four of them was sensory overload. It’s why she couldn’t find it in herself to talk. She rarely shared her voice with anyone. Talking was just overwhelming and exhausting, even more so than listening to a chatty group of men bicker.

She waved to get their attention and grabbed her shield and armor, getting up to leave for the castle. The boys immediately stopped talking and followed her without comment. If her assertiveness wasn’t enough to deem her their leader, the events that happened next surely did.

“Anyone else think it’s really spooky in here?” Wheatley said. “I’m not afraid or nothing. Just, you know, all these ruins. I saw a skeleton back there. This place is kind of falling apart,” he said, leaning into a pillar that immediately crumbled beneath his weight. “Ah! God, don’t you think that’s, like, a sign or something?” He stopped, and the group waited for him to make up his mind and resume their journey. “I’m gonna be honest. Gonna be totally honest: I really don’t wanna go in there. If she _is_ in there, she most certainly _will_ kill us. No doubt,” he said nervously. “So, I mean, if you want to call it quits, we can definitely do that. Option A: we can sit here, do nothing, let some other sorry sucker get murdered by her. Or, option B: we can go in there, and she will, um, kill us.”

Rick looked at him with disdain. “Seriously, pardner? You’re backin’ out now?”

“Nope! Not backing out. Just laying out our options here, yeah? So if any of you have any reservations about this plan, now is the time to voice them.” He paused, and the group stayed silent. “Right now.”

Chell rolled her eyes and motioned for the rest of the group to keep following.

“In case any of you are wondering if the window of opportunity to quit now has passed, it hasn’t. Just saying.”

Chell stopped and turned around, gesturing to all of the weapons she and the other men carried on their backs.

“We’re well armed,” Craig said, adding on to Chell’s gesture. “Swords, axes, magic wands, you name it. Those will definitely kill her.”

“It’s no use,” a quiet voice said from the shadows. The group went silent. “It won’t be enough.”

“Show yerself,” Rick asserted.

Chell put out her hand to hold him back as a small child stepped out from the ruins of the castle.

“Her name is Caroline.”

Wheatley furrowed his brows together as he looked over at his companion. “I thought your name was Chell.”

Chell buried her face in her hands in frustration and secondhand embarrassment at the boy’s comment, too tired to even dispute it.

“She’s talking about the princess, ya idiot,” Rick said under his breath.

Chell laughed silently.

“I’m not an idiot, I--”

“I’m the Oracle,” she said sweetly, cutting Wheatley off as if he had never spoken.

Wheatley sighed with relief. “Ah, good, right. The Oracle. I know exactly what that means.” He looked expectantly at Craig. “But, um, for the sake of anyone who doesn’t, would you kindly elaborate on this very easy to understand topic?”

“An oracle” Craig started, “is a priest or priestess that acts as a medium. He or she helps to reveal a prophecy and give advice, traditionally for gods. As such, it is a form of divinity.”

Wheatley scratched his head. “Hah...uh, maybe you might want to explain that in smaller words. For these three over here, of course,” he said, pointing a thumb in the direction of Apollo, Chell, and Rick.

Chell rolled her eyes.

“Not me. I’m fine. I know exactly what you’re saying. But uh...yeah. Smaller words. Go.”

“She can see the future,” he said plainly.

Apollo pushed his way forward. “Oh! Like magic! She’s friends with the stars!”

“I don’t have the solution,” she said despairingly.

Rick huffed. “Then what good are you for? We’ve gotta get going--”

The Oracle stopped him as she extended a finger and pointed at Chell. “She does.”

Chell’s breath caught in her chest. She didn’t hold _any_ answers. Earlier this week she never even would have imagined herself in a position like this; there was no way it was only her who held the solution to the problem ahead. She needed her team.

“I know you, Chell,” she said as Chell widened her eyes. “You are fierce. Brave. Tenacious. You never give up. Remember that.”

Chell chewed on the inside of her cheek, unsure of what to think. This was all so startling to her, and it did nothing but add pressure to the stress surrounding the mission. If she screwed up, she felt it would ruin everything. She had killed many beasts before but this was different; it was personal. She had no idea what was waiting for her inside of that tower.

“What does she have to do?” Wheatley asked.

“The answer lies with her.” She closed her eyes momentarily. “That’s all I can say.”

The group all turned to Chell with wide eyes.

“But she doesn’t even talk,” Craig replied. “She can’t tell us what to do.”

Chell glared at him.

She backed into the darkness of the ruins once again. “That’s all I can say.”

“Some use she was,” Wheatley muttered. “But hey! You have the answers! What a relief, right?”

Chell looked at him nervously.

“We’ve got this. All you have to do is tell us the answer.”

Chell sighed and motioned for the group to follow her into the castle. She didn’t have the solution figured out yet, but if she was as tenacious as the Oracle claimed, she could figure it all out on the way.


	3. Data Collection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter. Sorry.

“Oh look!” Apollo exclaimed as they approached the door of the tower. “Look up! A shooting star.” He smiled. “Now you all have to make a wish.”

Wheatley gasped. “Perfect! Then I wish we will kill the princess. Pretty smart wish, if I do say so myself.”

“You cannot say your wish out loud or it will not come true,” Craig said. “Nice going.”

Rick laughed. “That’s nothin’ but a myth anway. Wishes ain’t real. But if they were, I’d wish for that idiot’s wish to be granted.”

Apollo nudged him. “You wished for yours out loud too.”

Chell smiled and put on her knight’s helmet. She knew the perfect wish, and luckily, she wasn’t capable of blurting it out loud. She wished for the answer to be revealed to her. She wished for strength, courage, and the solution to the problem that lied ahead. She wished to defeat the monster that lived in the tower before them, no matter what it took.

Wheatley walked bravely to the door of the castle. “I’ll go first. That’s the kind of guy I am. Brave, clever, sacrificial.” He was promptly yanked back by Craig, who scolded him, claiming the door was likely boobytrapped.

“Well, then what do we do?” Wheatley asked, looking back at Chell. “You may not be the smartest one here. That would be me,” he boasted. “But you _are_ the one with the answers according to the...the...”

“Oracle,” Craig finished.

Chell motioned for the boys to back up as she grabbed a large stick and chucked it at the door. The stick swung the doors of the castle wide open and a large mace covered in spikes flew down at full force. The group ducked and Wheatley grabbed onto Chell’s leg and screamed.

“You could’ve warned me first,” he shouted.

Chell shot him a death glare while the rest of the group rolled their eyes.

“She did you a favor, pardner. And so did that guy over there,” Rick said, gesturing towards Craig. “He knew it’d be boobytrapped.” He turned to Craig. “I guess you do got all the facts.”

“It’s true,” Craig said, smiling. “Well, what are we waiting for? Unless there are any more maces covered in spikes, I think we’re safe to go inside.”

Chell nodded, putting on her chainmail helmet and adjusting it until only a small slit allowed her eyes to peek through. The rest of the group donned their armor, and they stepped inside.

The group was taken aback as they stepped foot into the dusty, ancient tower. It was more beautiful than anything they’d ever seen. It wasn’t anything near ornate or regal, and yet the cobblestone walls reflecting the moonlight, the swords and shields of fallen knights littering the ground, and the purple and gold carpets draped down the hallway left them completely awestruck. The enormity of the place only doubled the feeling. What looked like an isolated, run down tower from the outside was like history frozen in time on the interior.

Wheatley reached out to grab a golden bust off the table that was set next to the wall. “Look at this thing here! I--”

Chell batted his hands away and gave him a death glare that read as a harsh “don’t touch anything.”

“Right. Sorry.”

The group walked quietly through the corridors, following Chell’s lead, but found themselves getting more and more lost as the hallways twisted and turned and began to look the same.

“We already passed that portrait of King Cave,” Rick said. “I know because his eyes follow me every time.” He shuddered.

“It must be enchanted,” Apollo said.

“The lighting and shadows in a painting are fixed,” Craig began. “If a person is painted to look at you, they will continue to look at you as you move about the room. On the flipside, if a person is painted to look away from you, the light, shadow, and perspective will not allow them to ever look at you, even if you move yourself to the point where the person has been painted looking toward.”

Apollo squinted his eyes in confusion.

Craig let out a sigh of defeat. “It’s enchanted.”

“Oh! I knew it.”

“Chell, we’re not getting anywhere," Wheatley complained. "Again, it’s not too late to back out. Lucky for all of you, I left a trail of breadcrumbs. We follow that back straight to the exit.”

Chell stopped and exhaled hard, turning around slowly to face him. Breadcrumbs? What was to happen if the princess found this trail? It was a thoughtless move, but she shouldn’t have had high expectations for the boy anyway.

“You’re leading her right to us.” Apollo pouted.

“She knows this place better than anyone,” Rick said quietly. “Some say she can _feel_ people walkin’ around in this castle. Losing her humanity gave her a sixth sense or somethin’. So now she’ll definitely know where to find us.” He pulled the group in closely. “She’s so quiet, some say she practically sneaks up on ya, using the element of surprise to construct elaborate plans for your murder. She listens in on ya, collects information on your deepest fears, and uses ‘em against you. For all you know, she could be hidin’ in the walls right over there, behind that portrait,” Rick said, pointing towards the painting of the king. “Maybe it’s not about lighting and shadows. Those could be her eyes.” The group stared quietly and intently at the painting, almost as if waiting for someone to pop out and slaughter them.

“What are you doing here?!” a voice behind them demanded. The group turned around in shock, Apollo raising his wand, Craig, Rick, and Chell pulling out a sword, and Wheatley letting out a shrill scream. Chell cupped her hand on his mouth to shut him up.

Much to their surprise -- and relief -- the voice did not belong to any evil being. He looked to be just an ordinary man. The group could tell he wasn’t a knight, however; his gangly, thin, weak body proved it. His uniform was that of a servant at best, but was tattered and dirty from wear and tear.

“You all need to get out of here,” he said gravely. “She’ll kill you.”

The group looked at him, puzzled.

“I’ve been in here longer than I can remember. She’s keeping me trapped here. My name is Doug. I was Caroline’s servant.” He walked up to the five of them and attempted to usher them towards the exit, but no one budged. “There’s only one way out of this castle. It’s having your lifeless body dumped out the window of her bedchamber.” He sighed. “And some aren’t that lucky,” he added, gesturing to a skull propped up against the cobblestone wall. “I’m doing you a favor of finding you before she does. Before she _ever_ will.” He motioned for them to come again. “Come on. Leave. Before it’s too late.”

Chell walked up to him and stared him down through the eye slit in her helmet, trying to convey the words she couldn’t speak. This was _none_ of his business. Just because he was too weak to fight back didn’t mean she was, and she certainly didn’t need to be talked down to by a pale, scruffy servant boy.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and Chell’s expression softened. “I don’t mean to doubt your abilities. I’ve just seen how ruthless she is to even the most brave and capable of knights.”

Chell nodded.

The man looked down at his feet momentarily before looking up, this time at Wheatley. “Hey...I know you.”

Wheatley’s eyes widened. “Uh...no you don’t. Nope. Doesn’t sound familiar. I’ve never seen you before,” he said quickly, hiding his face.

Doug smiled. “I knew you looked familiar. You were the royal j--”

“Advisor. Royal advisor,” he interrupted.

“Jester,” Doug corrected. “You should understand more than anybody here.”

Chell snickered silently. _That’s a first,_ she thought.

“Oh yes. I completely understand,” Wheatley said. “But um, refresh my memory. Understand what?”

“That the woman up there isn't the princess anymore.” He sighed. “That’s why you need to go. She’s no benevolent ruler.”

“If you know where the exit’s at, why don’t you just leave?” Rick asked. “Seems kinda strange to me.”

“She’s got me enchanted,” he said. “See this shield on my back?” He turned around, displaying a shield with a big, glittering, heart shaped gemstone in the center. “She gave it to me a long time ago. And it won’t let me leave.”

“And you can’t put it down?” Apollo asked.

He grimaced. He didn’t feel like he could tell them all the truth about the shield, about himself; it _talked_ to him, and they would never truly understand. Glados claimed she had nothing to do with it, that it was no enchantment, but he knew better than to fall for her tricks. Despite Glados insisting his visions were the result of an illness and not magic, he knew it was her that made it impossible to part with the shield. It _was_ a gift from her, after all.

“No,” he said plainly. “I can’t.”

“Then you should help us,” Apollo said. “Then we can all leave together.”

He sighed frustratedly. “But you won’t survive.”

“Look, pardner,” Rick said. “I don’t know what your little hunk of metal there is tellin’ you, but she ain’t that scary.”

“You don’t _know_ her,” he insisted. “Tell him, Wheatley.”

Wheatley stuttered. “Um, yeah, I uh…”

Apollo butted in, finishing Wheatley’s sentence. “I mean, the Oracle said we -- or rather, Chell -- would defeat her.”

Doug’s expression softened. “An Oracle said you would succeed?”

“She said Chell held all the answers,” Craig said, pointing Chell’s way.

Doug nodded. “Then I guess I’ll help. I’ve got nothing to lose, anyway, I suppose.”

“Then let’s get going,” Rick. “Lead the way.”

* * *

“Can you imagine what it would be like to rule the kingdom?” Wheatley asked. “You --” he said, pointing to Doug. “What’s your name?”

“Doug.”

“You could be the king! And I could be--”

“The princess?” Rick asked.

The group snickered.

“I was _going_ to say I’d go back to being the royal advisor. But you know what? Maybe I should be the king instead. With my first declaration being...ah, what’s the word? Exiling? Yes. I’d exile you.”

Doug hushed him. “Do you _ever_ stop talking? We can have these conversations _after_ we’re not in a deadly situation.”

Wheatley pretended to zip his mouth shut.

“We need to be quiet so we can watch out for turrets. So keep your voice low.”

Chell tapped on his shoulder and made a confused expression.

“Turrets. They’re these...things. I don’t even know how to describe them or where to begin.”

“Hey, look!” Wheatley said, cutting Doug off and wandering around the corner and out of sight. “She looks just like the Oracle from earlier. Maybe they’re sisters.”

“I see you,” a small voice said.

“That’s so adora--AH OH MY GOD RUN!” Wheatley dashed around the corner and pushed the group out of the way. Each of them brandished a weapon as the creature moved closer to them. What was once an innocent looking child, similarly dressed to the Oracle, had now turned some sort of demonic monster, dripping with blood.

“There you are,” it said, still speaking sweetly.

Doug shouted for them to all run behind a wall and wait for it to approach.

“We wait here and when it comes close, I’ll jump out and stab it. Okay? I’ve done this before.”

“Are you still there?” the creature asked.

“Uhh, nope!” Wheatley said quickly, sweating nervously and clinging hard to Chell’s arm. “Nobody’s home!”

Chell nudged him in an attempt to keep him quiet.

“Searching,” it said, trotting along to round the corner where the group hid. The moment it turned, Doug locked eyes with it and jumped, sinking a sword deep into its chest. The demon recoiled and let out a shriek before shrivelling up on the ground.

“I don’t hate you…”

Chell’s eyes widened in disgust, and Wheatley continued to cling to her arm. Craig and Apollo both crinkled their nose and Rick gave Doug a firm pat on the back, congratulating him on his ‘proper adventurin’ skills.’

“Come on, let’s go before we find another.”

The group followed Doug down a narrow hallway, stopping to admire a painting on the wall. It was of the king and the princess, both adorned in purple and gold. The king sat on his throne while his daughter had her hands only barely resting on his shoulder, as if she was trying not to touch him altogether.

“That’s her, alright,” Wheatley commented. “She wore that dress a lot.”

Doug nodded. “Yeah. But she burned it after the curse.”

“She what?” Wheatley asked, shocked.

The rest of the group sat silently while the two carried on their insider’s conversation about the princess and the king. Most were trying to keep up with the exchange, but Chell found herself distracted by the painting on the wall. She thought the princess to be strikingly beautiful. She had never even seen her before, but now she was mesmerized. She wondered if she was still as beautiful with her icy white hair, black eyes, and cold stare.

“Why hasn’t she found us yet?” Rick asked. “I was hopin’ for a little more action.”

Doug sighed, motioning for them to continue. “You’re lucky. She’s not usually this inactive.”

“Maybe she’s asleep?” Wheatley suggested.

“I don’t think--”

“Fat chance,” a chilling voice spoke. The voice echoed throughout the halls and the group spun around, trying to find its source. It was almost as if she had managed to amplify her voice from the top of her tower. “I’m not asleep. Just...observing. I’m everywhere, you know. I think your fat little friend who is incapable of proper speech has already articulated that. I’m using the word ‘articulate’ generously.”

“His name is Rick _,_ ” Craig asserted.

“I’m only fat because I need a place to store all my extra adventurin’ energy,” Rick replied, karate chopping the air.

A shiver went down Chell’s spine as Glados spoke, forming a ball of anticipation in the pit of her stomach. She would have to kill this woman. Hearing her voice made her efforts to see her as anything but human seem pointless. Chell bit her lip, listening intently to her intriguing voice.

“Hey, you still there?” Doug whispered, nudging Chell.

She snapped back to reality, nodding.

“I’ve only let you live this long because I’m curious about your behavior. And your little Oracle.” She chuckled. “Right, Chell?”

Chell felt her heart leap out of her chest with anxiety when she heard Glados say her name. _Right_ , she thought.

“Leave us alone,” Doug snapped.

“Of course,” Glados laughed. “Trying to be the hero, as always. Heroes don’t survive, Doug, don’t you remember? I overheard that conversation. At least, I overheard one side of it.”

“Don’t listen to her,” he muttered. “Let’s just get going. I know a place where she can’t hear or see us,” he said, ushering them along down the hallway. The group ran until Doug commanded them to stop, pointing to a crawl space. “Get in there and we’ll strategize.”

“I’m not gonna lie. I’m really claustrophobic,” Wheatley said, his breathing getting heavier.

“Oh my god,” Craig groaned. “Get over it! You know you can j--”

Rick cut him off. “Don’t. Move,” he said sternly, looking at Wheatley.

“What are y--”

“Pardner, I don’t know how to tell ya this…”

“Just tell me? Am I going to die?”

Apollo rolled his eyes at Rick and Wheatley’s drama. “There’s a spider in your hair. That’s what he’s trying to tell you.”

Wheatley shrieked as he, Rick, Craig, and Apollo all batted at his afro. The harder they tried to remove the spider, the further it embedded itself into his curly hair. The four were all screaming and moving all around the crawl space in a frenzy, pushing Doug and Chell against the wall.

  
Chell shoved her hand between the group, grabbed Wheatley, and pulled him forward with a stern look on her face. She reached into his now frizzy hair and pulled out some small twigs that were stuck together with cobwebs.

“Is that your spider?” Doug asked, laughing. The four blushed hard.

“Honest mistake,” Rick mumbled.

“Seriously, though. Strategies. Plans. Anybody?” Doug asked.

Everyone looked towards Chell, who only shrugged, pulling off her helmet.

“But you have all the answers, right?” Doug asked.

Wheatley butted in. “I’m sure she has a plan. She just doesn’t talk.”

Chell nodded.

“I’ll interpret!”

Chell shook her head, trying to illustrate how horrible a plan that was.

“So she’s saying that we need to...uhh, split up?”

Chell shook her head again.

“She’s saying that I should lead the way!”

Chell shook her head more violently as the rest of the group groaned.

“If Chell has all the answers, maybe _she_ should be the one to convey them, even if nonverbally,” Craig said. He turned to Chell. “Do you have a plan?”

Chell nodded.

“Then that’s all we need to know. We’ll just follow her, okay, guys?”

Chell didn’t have a coherent plan, but she was motivated enough by both anger and the will to survive. She saw from the picture how frail a woman the princess was. To fight physically would be no issue. Her turrets, on the other hand, posed more of a threat in her mind, but she figured Doug and the troupe of idiots could help her there. If they stood on lookout, she could make her way to the princess’s bedchambers safely and kill her.

Apollo tapped on Chell’s shoulder, breaking her train of thought, and handed her a pen and a pad of paper.

“Maybe this will help, miss?” he said.

Chell smiled and nodded, scribbling out her plan to communicate with the others. They all read it and nodded in unison, and Chell grabbed the paper again and wrote down a question for Doug.

“Armor? No, she’s unarmed. I mean, I’m sure she’s got weapons of some sort up there, but nothing to protect herself. People usually...don’t make it that far,” he said grimly. “She’s just wearing a dress, last time I saw her. She doesn’t even wear her corset anymore. Any run-of-the-mill sword could pierce through her easily.” He didn’t like talking so nonchalantly about the murder of someone he used to call his friend, but he knew this was the only way he would ever see natural sunlight ever again, and he was desperate to be outside. She wasn’t that friend anymore. She was something else, something monstrous.

“Can I add something to that?” Doug asked, reaching out for the paper.

Chell nodded and handed it to him.

“It’s a map,” he said, showing it to the group. He handed it to Chell. “It will help you find her.”

Chell pulled her helmet back on and grabbed her sword, and the rest of the group followed.

“You know,” Glados began as the six stepped out of the crawl space, “secrets are very rude.”

“Just ignore her,” Doug said.

“I think it would be very unwise to ignore me. I’m willing to make a deal with all of you, actually,” she said. Chell could almost hear a smirk in her voice as she spoke. “Your knight in shining armor comes to my chamber. Alone. And I might just let the rest of you survive.” She paused. “And if Chell is a talented fighter, you’ll all survive.” She laughed. “But I wouldn’t count on it.”

Wheatley frowned. “What happens if we go with?”

Doug shook his head at Wheatley, trying to tell him not to push his luck any further.

Glados chuckled. “I don’t think you want to find out.”

Wheatley gulped, and the six all shared awkward glances before they nodded at Chell.

“Welp,” Rick said. “You heard the lady.”

Chell nodded apprehensively and tucked the map under her sleeve for easy access.

“See you soon,” Wheatley said. “Right?”

Chell patted him on the shoulder and nodded.

“Wait,” Apollo said, pulling Chell off to the side. “You’re not gonna kill her, are you?”

Chell inhaled sharply and looked at the young boy sympathetically. She knew she would have to, but she didn’t know if she could tell a child point blank that he was about to be complicit in a murder.

“You know,” he said, “you don’t have to.”

Rick butted in. “Don’t defend the princess, kid. The only way out of this is to kill her before she can kill anyone else.”

Apollo shook his head. “Yeah, but there are other ways to break curses. Like--”

“Just drop it, Apollo,” Craig said plainly. “We can hear your tall tales of magic after all of this is over.”

Chell waited for someone to say something else, but no one said a word. She nodded and turned around, map in hand, headed for Glados’s chamber, leaving her small group behind.

* * *

 

“How long did you know her?” Craig asked Doug.

Doug shifted awkwardly, trying to find a comfortable spot in the crawlspace they had returned to.

“A long time, actually. I was really young when I started working there. Fourteen? Fifteen, maybe? It was shortly after the queen died,” he said, exhaling. “So I guess Caroline wasn’t much younger than me.” He paused. “Uh -- Glados, I mean.

“Was she as awful as she is now?” Rick asked.

Craig nudged him. “Don’t be so rude.”

“What?” Rick demanded. “It’s a valid question.”

Doug chuckled. “No, actually. She wasn’t always awful. A little on the cold side, sure. Our first conversation was her talking about how much she hated her dad, the king. She was always pretty sarcastic. Maybe a little mean spirited, but she was warm underneath it all.” He crossed his arms. “Not anymore.”

“That’s rich, pal. Warm?” Wheatley laughed. “She called me an idiot every time she saw me. You’re right about mean spirited though. Hit that nail right on the arm.”

“On the head _,_ ” Craig corrected, muttering under his breath.

“No offense, Wheatley, but you...were a jester. I think ‘idiot’ is in the job description,” Doug replied.

“I am _not_ a jester,” he huffed.

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way. It just means you’re good at acting. That’s all jesting is, anyway,” Doug said, trying to cover up his faux pas.

Wheatley’s face softened. “Yeah. An act.” He smiled. “I am pretty good at acting.”

“I always thought she was warm,” he continued. “But I was closer to her than others in the castle.”

“How close?” Rick asked smugly, winking and nudging Doug.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “As close as _friends,_ ” he emphasized. “I wasn’t into her like that. But there were a lot of men who were.”

“What do you mean?” Rick asked.

“She always complained about all the suitors her dad had lined up for her. Always said she didn’t love any of them. I told her that you’re not gonna love someone at first sight, but she insisted she’d never love them.”

“Probably ain’t capable of it,” Rick suggested.

Apollo frowned. “Love at first sight _is_ possible.”

“Yeah, right,” Craig scoffed. “Maybe in a fairy tale. But this is real life.”

“Besides, maybe this sounds cruel,” Doug began, “but it’s not really about love. When you’re royalty, marriage is more about business than happily ever after. It’s what they do to keep the royal bloodline.”

Apollo crossed his arms. “I know a lot about magic and I know a lot about love, and--”

“No offense, kid, but you’re like, what, eleven years old? You don’t know anything about love,” Wheatley laughed.

“Neither do you,” Apollo sneered. “Where’s _your_ girlfriend, huh?”

“Guys, come on,” Doug said. “Now’s not the time.”

“I’ve got a girlfriend,” Wheatley insisted. “She’s, uh… out of town right now, but--”

“Sounds fake,” Rick interrupted.

“Seriously, guys?” Doug asked. “Let’s all just get along.”

Rick laughed. “So now the guy with the bedazzled shield is gonna preach to us.”

Craig frowned. “Doug is right.”

Rick’s eyes widened and he laughed nervously. “Yeah,” he said. “I was just jokin’.” He looked over at Craig. “Let’s all just settle down.”

Craig nodded approvingly, and Rick smiled.

“Do you think Chell’s okay up there?” Wheatley asked.

“We just have to have faith,” Apollo said.

“She’s the only one who can kill her,” Rick said. “We just gotta trust her.”


	4. The Experiment

“It was wise of you to not bring your idiotic friends along,” Glados said coolly. “Maybe you really are smart enough to defeat me. Emphasis on _maybe._ ”

Chell rolled her eyes and continued to make her way through the winding hallways.

“That is if you can find me first.” She chuckled. “I will admit, though, you are tough. You’ve managed to escape all of my traps. Maybe I should be scared,” she said teasingly. “But being able to kill turrets and escape fire pits doesn’t impress me. Anyone can do that. But if you do survive, you’ll win my approval. And with that, a reward,” she lied.

She didn’t think Chell would survive, but she did occasionally have one or two knights escape all of her traps. She had managed to kill them when they entered her bedchamber. Glados had learned how to manipulate men quite easily and knew most responded well to flattery from a young woman. Compliments on their bravery, promises of riches, and a slice of fresh cake as a ‘reward’ was all it took to seal the deal. No knight is immune to poison.

On each new floor of the castle, Chell would be met with a new obstacle. Turrets, pits of spikes, rooms full of fire; she couldn’t figure out how Glados even had the time or ability to make these things. Each one was more elaborate than the last and she barely had time to catch her breath in between floors.

She was afraid it would never end, like somehow a new floor was being added each time she climbed up the stairs and she would never make it to the top. It felt like she was doing the same task over and over again, packaged as something different each time. That’s why when she came to a floor with no traps and no new set of stairs, she thought she was dreaming. It was just a long hallway, dust covered paintings adorning the walls, with a door at the very end.

* * *

 

“Anyone else here think she’s been up there a long time?” Wheatley asked nervously. “What if she’s dead? There’s no way we’d know. I mean, we could leave and come back in an hour. I’m kind of hungry.”

Rick scoffed. “You gotta stop worryin’. Don’t you have faith in your friend?”

Doug checked himself out of the conversation and focused himself on the anticipation he felt about leaving the castle. He imagined that with the princess being dead, her enchantment on his shield would be void, and he could leave. Maybe he could see his family again. He could see his pet dog again. He could go to a tavern and have a hot meal and a glass of cider and everything would be completely normal. And he would have five new friends, too.

 _Don’t count on it,_ his shield said from behind him.

Doug anxiously looked at his friends, absorbed in their conversation about Chell, and then back at his shield. He wanted to respond but he was afraid the group would hear him, so he just shot his companion a dirty glare.

 _I just don’t want you to get your hopes up,_ it said. _You’ve been in this castle for a long time. You know I’ve always got your back but sometimes you’ve just got to be realistic. It’s not easy being a hero. Heroes die, and you’ve done a pretty good job of staying alive. Don’t ruin that streak._

“You alright there?” Wheatley asked, breaking Doug’s concentration on his friend’s words.

“Uh… yeah. I’m fine. Why?”

“You were looking a little upset, is all,” Wheatley replied.

“It’s fine,” he lied. “And I’m sure Chell’s fine. She’s got this, remember?”

Apollo smiled. “The Oracle said.”

Rick sighed. “She is takin’ an awful long time up there though.” He paused. “I know the princess said not to follow her--”

“I don’t like where you’re going with this,” Craig stated plainly.

“I’m just sayin’ if we can sneak up there, maybe--”

“Not to ruin the fun, mate, but I’m not too fond of dying.” Wheatley laughed awkwardly. “Not that I’m afraid or anything. Just, there’s a slight, _slight_ off chance I get, uh, killed by _her._ I’d like to avoid that very much.”

“So you’re an idiot _and_ a coward,” Rick teased.

“I’m not--”

“I know a few ways we can get up there without her noticing,” Doug said, cutting off Wheatley and Rick’s budding feud. “How else do you think I’ve gotten around this castle without getting killed? I know this place like the back of my hand.” He paused, motioning with his hand for the group to get up. “Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

Chell carefully opened the door and stepped inside. The first thing she laid eyes on was a decadent cake sitting on a table near what appeared to be a vanity covered in dust. Her eyes scanned the room until they locked on Glados, who was so pale she practically blended in with the stoney walls. Chell quietly shut the door behind her.

“Well, you found me. Congratulations.” Glados smirked and pushed herself up from her bed, walking towards Chell. “I honestly, truly didn’t think you’d make it this far. You’ve won my approval.”

Chell stood unearthly still, her hand discreetly hovering over the dagger she had tied to her belt in case Glados decided to make any unwarranted moves. She didn’t. She seemed very calm, almost to the point where it made Chell uneasy. Glados knew it was Chell who was destined to kill her, and yet she seemed completely unfazed. She didn’t look scared in the slightest, and that made Chell wonder if she had something up her sleeve.

Glados walked calmly over to the vanity and lifted a plate holding a slice of cake. She smirked. “Why don’t you rest; have a piece of cake.”

Chell shook her head.

“Suit yourself,” Glados said. She wasn’t sure what to do now that Chell had refused the cake. It was the only means she had to kill her now. Chell was heavily armed and seemed to be an efficient fighter. While Glados had a sword, she hardly knew how to handle it and it was evident Chell was much stronger than her. Noticing she was appearing conflicted, Glados quickly retired to a deadpan expression again. “Well, if you don’t want to rest, then you must want to kill me now, yes? Isn’t that what you came here to do, hero?”

Chell nodded.

A ball of anxiety formed in the pit of Glados’s stomach, although she tried not to let it show. She wasn’t sure why Chell made her so nervous. Other knights never made her feel anything at all. She wasn’t scared of them. Perhaps it was what the Oracle said, or how effortlessly Chell made it through her traps, or all the confidence she had. “You don’t talk much, do you?” she finally asked.

Chell shook her head, now slowly moving her hand to her sword in case Glados made a move.

“If you’re going to kill me, let’s at least make this a fair fight,” Glados said. “Take off your armor.”

Chell shook her head fervently. No knight in their right mind would take off their own armor before a battle. Did Glados think she was crazy?

“I’m only wearing a dress,” Glados said. “For you to have all those weapons and all that armor, it’s just unfair. If you’re going to kill me, let it at least be honorable.” She waited expectantly, hoping Chell would listen to her, but she didn’t. “At least take the helmet off. I deserve to know who my killer is going to be.”

Chell sighed and nodded, reluctantly agreeing that at least that was fair. She removed her helmet and set it on the vanity next to the cake she assumed was full of poison and pushed her hair out of her face, tucking a piece behind her ear.

Glados’s jaw dropped. “You… you’re a girl,” she said breathlessly. This whole time she’d assumed Chell was male just like all of the other knights she encountered. She never once took into consideration that she could have been a woman. Caught off guard, she found herself stuttering and tripping over her words, avoiding eye contact with Chell. She found her to be absolutely beautiful, and she scolded herself for getting distracted by asinine things like that. “I guess now it’s definitely a fair fight.”

Chell watched the princess trip over her words and look everywhere but in Chell’s direction. She thought it was a very odd display to see the once collected, stone faced, intimidating princess blushing and stuttering like she was, but then it clicked into place for Chell. She recalled Wheatley saying her father put the curse on her because she refused to marry a prince. In fact, she remembered long ago Wheatley complaining that Glados rejected all of her suitors. Chell realized Glados’s display wasn’t because she was nervous of being killed. She thought Chell was beautiful. The princess preferred women.

Glados looked up to find Chell looking intently at her. She scowled. “What are you staring at?”

Chell wasn’t sure, exactly. She did feel a pang of sympathy for the woman, which was something she wasn’t anticipating. It was sad to know Glados’s fate was due to her attraction defying her father’s wishes, and Chell definitely understood the struggle, loving women herself. But she still knew she needed to kill this woman, and she didn’t feel hesitant at all about that. If it wasn’t for the sake of avenging her parents, it was for her newfound friends. They were going to rule this kingdom together, and they were going to do it fairly. The Oracle said Chell held the solution, and so she knew what she had to do.

Glados inhaled sharply when she saw Chell make a move towards her, but Chell never withdrew her sword or any kind of weapon. She just walked slowly towards her until she had Glados backed against the wall. Glados’s eyes darted around the room to look for an escape, a weapon, _something,_ but she couldn’t find a way out of this. Chell succeeding wasn’t a part of her plan.

“Look, I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but it’s only going to make your life even worse, somehow. Maybe we can--”

Glados’s words were interrupted by Chell stroking her cheek with the back of her hand. _What is she up to?_ Glados thought, although she didn’t pull away. She was always good at logical thinking, but when emotions were charged it was hard to think clearly at all. All she could do now was sit there, completely breathless.

Chell lightly tucked a piece of Glados’s hair behind her ear and smiled softly. She wasn’t doing this for her own enjoyment; she had a job to finish, and she knew this. She couldn’t confidently say she wasn’t at least slightly attracted to Glados, but this had nothing to do with attraction. Glados was on edge and likely expecting anything but Chell seducing her, so she knew the easiest way to kill Glados would be to catch her off guard.

Even now, she could tell Glados had hesitations about the act; she was completely tensed up as if waiting for Chell to draw a sword, but she wasn’t pulling away, either. Chell moved slightly, allowing for a little space between them to see if Glados was trying to find a way to escape, but she didn’t move. Chell cupped one side of Glados’s face with her hand and leaned in slowly to kiss her neck.

Glados flinched at first, but relaxed herself as Chell kissed her neck again. She closed her eyes and let out a shaky sigh. She didn’t even bother questioning Chell’s ulterior motive; she had been hiding away in that castle for years, only barely being able to count Doug as company, and being touched was like a breath of fresh air. She closed her eyes and leaned into Chell, sighing softly.

Suddenly, she felt a pressure hit her lower chest, followed by Chell pulling away. She looked up at Chell with wide eyes, trying to process what just happened. She grabbed her chest where she felt the pressure only to find it wet and warm. She looked down at her hand. Blood. Chell had stabbed her. The pain didn’t hit until Chell pulled the dagger from her chest and left her a crumpled heap on the floor.

Glados couldn’t figure out what to say. All she could focus on was the searing pain and the blood. She was so distraught she hadn’t even noticed that she had screamed when Chell stabbed her. The whole world had just gone quiet for a short moment.

* * *

 

The group had been wandering the back halls of the abandoned castle for nearly an hour and they all felt like Doug had gotten them lost, but no one criticized him. They just followed along, silently, hoping the next corner they would turn would reveal Chell, safely returning to her friends. Instead, all they’d find would be a skeleton, or an abandoned suit of armor, or a blood covered shield and sword.

“That doesn’t inspire much confidence,” Wheatley said uneasily. “That’s the sixth skeleton we’ve seen. Not that I’m scared or anything.”

“You sound scared,” Rick said. “What, too much of an moron to handle seein’ some bones?”

Wheatley sighed frustratedly and crossed his arms. “I’m _not_ a moron,” he grumbled.

“It’s the turrets,” Doug said. “They breathe fire, like a dragon. She has command over them and everything. That’s probably how these guys died,” he said.

“Why haven’t we seen any?” Rick asked. “Was hopin’ for a little more action.”

Doug shrugged. “She can’t feel us back here. I mean, she is able to send her turrets back here if she wanted to but surprisingly, I think she’s holding up on her promise not to kill us.” He laughed bitterly. “Who knew she could be trustworthy again.”

“You sound sad,” Apollo said sympathetically.

Doug looked back at him. “Eh, I guess. She used to be… kind of nice. In a way. She was rough around the edges but we had a lot in common so I didn’t mind.”

“Like what?” Apollo asked curiously.

“We both hated her dad, for one thing. That’s what made her find it easier to trust me, I think. Looking back on it, I think her relationship with her dad made her feel pretty lonely. So she latched onto me immediately. I had no issue with that.” He grimaced. “But she turned evil and I don’t think I can forgive her, even if I want to.”

Everyone went quiet for a moment, unsure of how to reply. Suddenly, a loud scream broke the silence and made everyone panic.

“Did you hear that?” Apollo asked urgently. “I heard someone--”

“Scream,” Craig finished. “Was it Chell?” He looked over to Wheatley, hoping he would have an answer to the question.

“Asking the wrong guy,” he said. “I’ve never heard her talk.”

“Does it matter who it is?” Apollo asked. “Let’s get up there!”


	5. The Conclusion

“You… monster…” she choked out.

Chell didn’t reply. She was barely even fazed by the comment. She was all too focused on the blood on her knife. She was shocked. She’d killed monsters before, but Glados was the first human like thing she’d killed. She wasn’t human anymore, and she sternly reminded herself of this, but the display in front of her made her feel conflicted. Of all the creatures she’d killed, not one of them reacted in the way Glados did. In fact, most of them died immediately. Glados seemed like she was holding on with everything in her. Chell looked back down at her knife again, lost in thought until the sound of a sword scraping against the floor broke her concentration.

Glados tried to push herself up, one hand gripping her chest and the other pointing a sword at Chell. She put her hand down from her chest and used it to stand, lunging at Chell with her sword.

Chell quickly moved out of her way and drew her sword, hitting Glados’s arm with the blunt end and making her drop the sword and fall to the ground again. She sat still, looking down at her chest for a few moments, before softly laughing.

Chell picked up Glados’s weapon and pointed both at her, which only made Glados laugh more.

“I’m just…” she began, quickly struggling to catch her breath. “I’m just thinking about how it will feel for you to live with this on your conscience.”

Chell gave her a strange look.

“I know what it feels like, to murder someone. To murder lots of people. But at least I can say I did it in self defense,” she spat. “But you… you made the choice to come here. You made the choice to…” Glados trailed off.  _ To trick me,  _ she thought. “And you made the choice to kill me when you were given every opportunity to succeed in a different way.” She leaned against the wall. “For what? Fortune? Fun? Is your life so empty that you can only find joy in--” She coughed. Smirking, she looked back up at Chell. “Your parents must be so proud.”

Chell wanted to scowl at the comment, but she held back. She couldn’t tell if the smugness in Glados’s voice was because she knew about the fate of her parents or if she thought she was getting to Chell. She  _ was,  _ but Chell didn’t want to show it. She doubted Glados knew about what happened to her parents, given the princess had been a child as well when it happened. But Glados had at least enough humanity to understand that most people would want their parents’ approval, and she was definitely trying to play that to her advantage.

“And to think,” Glados began, still clutching her chest. “I was stupid enough to actually enjoy myself. To think it meant something.”

Chell knelt down to look Glados in the eyes.

“Despite how much I hate you, I think I wanted to believe it did. Because maybe, just  _ maybe _ , I feel more admiration than contempt.” She grimaced. “You’re certainly smarter than all the other idiots who’ve tried to kill me. Marginally. So I’ll give you that.”

Chell felt her chest warm at all the sudden kindness coming out of the princess. Even if most of it was backhanded, it was so very human. She didn’t know what to feel. It was hard to tell if what she was saying was some elaborate guilt trip or if she really meant it. Chell couldn’t deny that there was a part of her that didn’t want to stop, earlier, before she stabbed Glados.

Glados felt like she was only half there, but could still see the confliction on Chell’s face. She inhaled shakily. “I’m cold.”

Without even thinking, Chell reached out and held Glados’s hand. Chell hadn’t expected regretting what she did, nor had she expected having to comfort her own target on her deathbed. She did expect Glados to pull her hand away, but she didn’t. She just closed her eyes. Chell would have thought she was dead if she couldn’t still see her chest rising and falling.

Suddenly, the two were jolted from their tender moment as the door to Glados’s room slammed open.

“We heard screaming, are you okay?!” Apollo yelled.

“Back up everybody!” Rick shouted. “I know karate and I--” He stopped short. The whole room was taken aback by the sight they saw in front of them. Glados was lying in her own blood, only half present, and Chell had two swords in one hand and was gripping Glados’s hand in her other.

“You did it,” Doug breathed.

Apollo pushed his way to the front of the group and ran to Chell. “No, no, no, this is all wrong!”

Chell looked at him confusedly, hoping for more elaboration.

“This isn’t how you break the curse. Oracles rely on magic and magic is controlled by the stars and I know the stars!”

“What are you blabbering about, kid?” Rick asked.

“Any one of us could have stabbed her,” Apollo said. “Doug knew the safest routes here and we all could have easily made our way through and killed her. Any of us.”

Chell quickly glanced over at the group, then to Glados, and back at Apollo.

“You’re the only one who holds the solution because it’s not about killing her,” he stressed. “I’ve been trying to say it this whole time but nobody is listening to me!”

“Then say it,” Craig said.

“The best way to break a curse is true love’s kiss,” he said. “You’re the only one with the solution because Glados can only have  _ one  _ true love.”

Chell’s eyes widened, and she locked eyes with Glados.

“You have to kiss her or she’ll--”

“Come on, don’t be ridiculous,” Craig said, cutting him off.

Chell had already stopped listening. The insinuation that she could reverse what she had done was enough to convince herself and she didn’t even think before grabbing Glados’s face and pulling her in for a kiss.

An unseen force shook the room, but both Chell and Glados barely noticed. They were too wrapped up in the moment.

“Ahem,” Wheatley coughed. “Um… we’re still here, you know. Wanna get a room?”

Chell pulled away, looking down and blushing. When she looked back up at her partner, she was met with brown eyes and a flushed face. Chell gasped.

“What’s wrong?” Glados asked. She put her hand to her chest again only to find there was no wound at all. She grabbed a lock of her hair and noticed her natural brown color had replaced the sickly white. “You’re my true love?”

Chell smiled.

“How disappointing,” Glados said, hiding a smile. “Who would have guessed my true love would be a dangerous, mute lunatic.”

Chell rolled her eyes and pushed herself up, grabbing Glados’s hand so they could stand together.

“Doug,” Glados said, looking directly at her former friend.

He flinched.

“You’re still alive.”

The group went quiet as the two stared each other down.

“You sound disappointed,” he muttered.

She let go of Chell’s hand and walked towards him. “More like surprised.”

“Well, it was no thanks to you. And I don’t care that your curse is broken. You said yourself that Caroline is dead and I want nothing to do with--”

“I’m sorry,” she said, almost inaudibly.

Doug’s voice softened. “You’re what?”

Glados crossed her arms. “Don’t make me say it again. In front of all these people.”

Doug put his hands on his hips.

“I’m just not ready to talk about it yet. But you needed to know. And you can leave now. You always could have, you know. I wasn’t forcing you to stay.”

Doug turned to the rest of the group. “Can we have some privacy?”

They nodded and shuffled out. Chell shot Glados a worried glance, which was met with her giving a weak smile and nodding her head.

“It didn’t work,” Doug mumbled.

“What didn’t?”

“The curse. It’s not fully broken.”

“Why do you say this?”

Doug paused. “It’s still talking. Your enchantment hasn’t worn off.”

Glados inhaled sharply. She still knew Doug was hallucinating this so called enchantment, but she saw no use in arguing. “What is it saying?”

“I can’t leave,” he said plainly.

“Try disobeying it. Just this once.”

He crossed his arms. “You’re toying with me. You know I can’t do that.”

“I can’t make you trust me. But I can’t make you leave, either. I’ve got nothing to fear anymore and I’m leaving.”

“You don’t want to rule the kingdom anymore?”

She sighed. “Not by myself.” She looked him in the eye. “So you either disobey your shield to come live in the company of friends or you let it keep you here until you inevitably die alone.”

Doug’s jaw dropped, unsure of what to say. Even before the curse, Glados did have a way of being a little too blunt sometimes, but he realized the brutal honesty was what he needed most right now.

“It’s your choice. I’ll leave you here to decide,” she said, making her way towards the door. “But, Doug,” she added as she opened the door, “the sun is rising. I think it’s going to be warm out today.”

Doug smiled to himself as she left the room. He took the shield off his back and ignored its protests and claims that Glados was lying. He tossed it aside.

Glados was walking down the hallway with the group when she heard a loud metal clang. She held her hand up, silently commanding the group to stop.

“Leaving already?” he asked, grinning. “Couldn’t even wait for me, huh?”

Chell admired Glados’s genuine smile as she interacted with her former friend.

“Oh, because you take  _ forever _ ,” she said sarcastically. “You’re so indecisive.”

The group continued on down the halls, mostly Wheatley and Apollo’s chatter filling the silence. It was awkward, but that was expected.

Doug was wondering to himself how he could grow to trust Glados again. He really wanted to, but his mind kept flashing back to all the things she did. He knew that a proper talk and time would heal things, and he knew there was no rush, too. He could heal on his own time, and he was fine with that.

Both Glados and Chell felt pressure from the knowledge that they were each other’s soulmates. They both felt uneasy about each other, but there was a strange sense of comfort from the knowledge, too. They could heal together. They had each other, and the idea of forever, even with a former enemy, was something that made the usually stone-faced knight and princess smile.

The first thing the group did together was catch their breath. It had been a long night and all of them had their mind set on relaxing and eating breakfast. They spent a few days resting, getting to know each other more, and mending old wounds before they decided it was time to return to the castle and work together to restore it to what it once was.

It was difficult getting the kingdom to trust Glados again, but the idea of the group working together to rebuild it gave them a little more confidence. With a little support from both Chell and Doug, Glados was able to open up with the kingdom and tell the whole truth about what happened, and her honesty helped restore their faith and they were able to empathize with what happened to their princess and soon-to-be queen.

Both Rick and Craig went from constant bickering to slowly getting used to each other, and Rick’s insistent flirting went from habit to intentional, and Craig was surprisingly receptive. Inspired by Glados and Chell, Craig wanted to find his true love too, and there was something about the overzealous, rowdy adventurer that made his personality soften.

After gaining control again of the kingdom, Chell and Glados finally became completely comfortable around each other. The more Chell got to know Glados, the more she grew to admire her and her resilience, stubbornness, and sarcastic attitude, and Glados felt the same way about Chell. While most royalty married early on in relationships, the two decided to wait. They didn’t feel the need to rush things. They wanted to grow closer.

When the wedding did come, the two declined the offer of a royal advisor to officiate the wedding. They decided Wheatley should be the one to do so, although it was quite reluctant on Glados’s part. With a little convincing, they decided it was time he abandon the role of jester and try to work on his strong suits, which he was more than happy to do (at the insistence that he never was a jester).

With Chell, Wheatley, Rick, Craig, and Apollo at Glados’s side, they worked together to rule the kingdom fairly and kindly. They butted heads frequently, but in the end, they were always glad to have each other.

* * *

 

Fairy tales are like science, and the thing about science is that it’s not always as exact as people would like to believe. Sometimes it’s experiments gone wrong. Sometimes it’s nitric acid and hydrazine causing explosions in the laboratory. Sometimes, science is creating a simple machine only to have it completely fall apart. It’s villagers that turn into knights in shining armor and jesters who fight ogres. It’s princesses who are more vicious than dainty. It’s men with talking shields and adventurers with hearts of gold and philosophers who teach children about the power of the stars. Sometimes it’s shapeshifting turrets in place of witches hiding in the forest. It’s prophecies that take the place of the fairy godmother. It’s poison cake instead of poison apples.

Like all experiments, our fairy tale began with a hypothesis: if you change the ingredients, mix them together, or change the order, then you will get nothing but trouble. If you make your princess your dragon and her slayer her true love, what do you get? Trouble, sure, but in the end, it still holds up as a fairy tale because they all lived happily ever after.

The end.


End file.
